


Your love is just a memory.

by numbaek



Category: B.A.P, Kpop - Fandom
Genre: M/M, kind of angsty but not really??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 17:58:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10313864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbaek/pseuds/numbaek
Summary: Choi Junhong and Yoo Youngjae were once madly in love and it hurts him to remember.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Dean's song What2Do while writing and this kind of just came out?? I hope you enjoy :-)

 

 

          _**J** unhong_ stared at his coffee, the warm liquid blowing steam onto his face. It reminded him of his warm breath that would fan his face as he whispered sweet nothings into his ear.  The coffee swirled in the mug as his thoughts fell deeper into the void that is his memory. He remembered how his stomach would swirl every time he would moan, whisper, or yell his name.

Every time they kissed, it was as if he fell in love all over again. His soft lips felt like the finest silk. His gentle hands always treating him with absolute care, as if he were the most fragile object he had laid his eyes on. His eyes. Junhong found himself drowning in the abyss of his amber eyes.

He cradled the coffee. He used to be held in the warmest of arms, protecting him, soothing him. He would always be able to be calmed in an instant, no matter how big the problem, no matter how sad he was. He could always soothe him. Comforting hands made their way up and down his back, rubbing in calming circles. Low hums vibrated off his lover’s chest, on which his head would lay, as he would sing a soft song. He was placid to be with.

Junhong brought the mug to his lips; the warm liquid swam through his throat, bringing heat throughout his body. They had fallen in love quick and hard. Their dates were erratic but that’s what they loved. They complemented each other so well. The two boys were soul mates, destined for the other’s love.

He brought the drink up to his mouth again, this time to be met with no warm liquid, just the reminder that it was once there. It was gone. Just like their love; as quick as it came, and as hard as it came on: it left, just as swiftly and harshly. Maybe they were soul mates who had messed up somehow, after all not everyone can end up with whom they’re fated to be with.

 

 

Six months, it had been six months since he last felt that warmth that he so longed for.

He shut his eyes tight, flashes of that day appeared before him. They had been fighting; his lover had gone out to drink. He had been drinking a lot lately. He came back around the early dawn spewing his true thoughts. This was his first real confrontation towards the younger.

Sure they had fought, in fact many times, but this was a deeper, much more grievous anger. They had a long, relentless dispute. It left both of their faces a deep red, tear stains lathered their faces. The boys both shook tremendously; rage, sadness and desperation coursed through their veins.

Junhong remembers how the loud slam of the heavy door resonated in his ears for two weeks, haunting him. The younger had stood there no air in his lungs, frozen in time. The only thing time couldn’t stop was his trembling body. He immediately ran towards the door, panic coursed through his eyes as he frantically reached for the handle.

He grabbed his head, he didn’t want to remember. The images kept flashing. As he opened the door he saw the back of his beloved. His voice, hoarse from his previous sobs, yelled out the older boy’s name. Pathetically calling out as the latter sped up his pace, tears flowing as he could hear Junhong’s cries, a wretched pain filled his heart.

Youngjae never came back. Junhong never looked for him.

 

 

The younger tried to get over him. He constantly fled to clubs, urging people to touch him. He slept with so many people it had become a blur. He was searching for some sort of amend to his heart. Not one guy touched him like he had. All their hands were too rough, not gentle enough. Their lips weren’t silk, they were rough from previous hookups or dry from the weather. They didn’t want to hold him, just fuck him.

The older boy also tried to get over his partner. He was constantly drinking away his pain; drowning himself in bottles of liquor he never heard of and getting blown by men he didn’t even know. He had missed most of his lectures and was close to expulsion. Heartbreak had blinded him.

 

 

After a night of drinking, Youngjae would always visit a small family run café. It was a couple buildings down from his usual bar and the family always took care of him. They would seat him in a booth giving him a large mug filled with steaming coffee, a free croissant on the side. The family didn’t know him prior to these visits but the sad smile he wore, along with his large tip, made them grow fond of him. They rarely talked, though.

Junhong found himself wandering a bit farther than his usual jog allowed him. A cozy looking café caught his eye. The green vines covered the pale yellow building, a few pink flowers adorning them. He pushed the door open; a chiming sound resonated from the bells above. He blew into his hands rubbing them together, feeling less cold once inside.

The younger boy made his way to a table in the corner of the café. A friendly looking woman handed him the menu and explained their special winter drinks to him. He smiled up at her kindly thanking her in the process. He settled on an English breakfast tea, a small apple strudel to go with it.

He looked down at his phone, messing around with it for a few minutes before the lady appeared once more, this time her hands occupied with his order. He looked up at her thanking her again. She turned around and headed to her counter. Junhong‘s eyes lingered in the spot where she once stood.

He stared at that spot, frozen in shock. His eyes were met with his favorite eyes, the ones he had longed for so desperately. They were tired, had dark bags below them and lacked the fire they once held. Yet, they were still that amazing amber color and Junhong struggled not to get lost in them.

The woman broke their stare off as she guided Youngjae to his usual booth, not realizing the change of aura in the café.

The once fated lovers tried to avoid the other’s eyes, yet they both would find themselves lured to the latter. After what seemed like an hour, Junhong gathered the courage and asked the older how he’d been, his voice cracking a bit before he cleared his throat. A red tint spread out across his cheeks.

Youngjae replied that he had been doing well, a lie. He asked politely how the younger had been. He replied with how he had been doing great, also a lie. They seemed like strangers from the outside. It was quite a sad scene to see. Two people who were so desperately in love; now so distant, only the memory of their passion lingered.

What was completely unexpected was the younger completely dropping his façade, the uncomfortable silence between the two had driven him insane. It was a slap in the face, the fact he had lost him. Tears came rushing down his face as he fisted his hands on his knees; he refused to stare up at the latter. He was embarrassed.  He choked out how he, in fact, was not doing great. He spit out everything, how he had missed Youngjae so much that he slept with countless men.  He confessed how horrible he felt, their rough dirty hands touching him were nothing like his soft delicate ones.

Youngjae sat there watching Junhong; his heart broke a little bit more as he spoke. The younger had stopped talking, but his tears continued. He shook as he tried to control his breathing. He felt pathetic; Youngjae hadn’t uttered a mere word. Just as Junhong was about to get up he felt those hands, the ones he had oh-so longed for, wrap around his body. Warmth spread its way across him. He stilled.

The older boy bent down to match his lips with the latter’s ear, who was luckily sitting if not he’d have to stand on tippy-toes. He whispered how he hadn’t been doing well either, instead he had been drinking till he couldn't remember his own name. The two ended up sitting in the booth together, catching up. They weren’t where they were when they first fell in love, but, they were getting there.

They had that spark again. Youngjae’s dull lifeless eyes had regained that fire that once burned bright. Junhong’s smile reached his eyes once more. Their love was not the same as before, this time it was a stronger, less erratic, and deeper love.

They were healing each other.


End file.
